Back to start.

Seeing someone for the first time in my life.
I feel the ground I walk on disappear.
Feeling it so sudden is something I fear,
It feels like I'm taking a very deep dive.

What is happening? What is this?
My stomage feels teased,
It's like it's being squeezed.
What just happened? What did I miss?

This has never happened before.
Immediately falling in love,
got struck by lightening from up above.
But it happened when he walked throug my door.

This phenomenon called Love at first sight,
Has hit me very hard.
And inside I slowely fall apart.'
And I know..."It is SO not right".

This man will never be within my reach.
He's married and has his life.
For years now, married to his wife.
The wind goes throug my hair while walking on the beach.

Why did this  happen to me?
Why must I feel this way?
I have to live with this feeling day by day,
When will I ever be free?

It hurts so much. It hurts like hell.
I'm so dizzy in my head,
Can't sleep and toss and turn in my bed.
I just wish I could crawl somewhere in a shell.

Just when I was moving on to a better life
I got thrown of my pedestal
I find myself in a freefall.
And this really hurts like a knife.

Back to start.
Back to where I've been.
Years of fighting for nothing it seems.
I hope this time I won't fall apart.

A poem to Heaven and Earth designs

If any of you readers of my blog is looking for a great pattern to crossstitch.... Don't look any further... Thousands and thousands of the most gorgeous patterns can be found on this site.

Michele Sayetta and here company are making exquisite patterns.

Here is my poem:

Struggling to live my life.

Forward I need to strive.

Today I spend sitting at a pond.

Thinking about my life I do not want.

It feels like a very heavy weight.

It's growing in my head and I am SO afraid.

I realle need some peace of mind.

Cause life to me has not been kind.

But suddenly I think: "I need to go home"

So through the park I start to roam.

I'm back in my place.

Not looking in the mirror.. I don't want to see my face.

I will make my self a nice cup of tea.

And within minutes I can finally feel free.

In my fingers that very pleasant itch..

I take my work and start to stitch..

When I stitch I forget the things around me.

I see only that cloth on my knee.

In my hand a needle with thread.

That isn't all that bad?

I forget everything around me, I just told.

Even my cup of tea is now getting cold.

Making a Heaven and Earth design

With stitches small and oh so fine.

I am both in Heaven and on Earth.

The time spend is so very worth.

All the people at HAED are doing their job very well

And from me a special thanks to Michele.

Flowers of the Forest.

The first notes of the pipes

Are giving me intense vibes

They slowely sink into my heart

And piece by piece I fall apart.

The drums have such an easy pace.

Tears are rolling down my face.

How heavenly does this piece sound

It is  just  so profound.

“Flowers” digging deep into my soul.

“In the Forest” I become whole.

To me it’s  the best piece ever made

And cuts in my emotions like a swiss blade.

Very, VERY well done Mike Oldfield.

Everytime I listen to Flowers of the Forest…

I feel a little more healed..

FLOWERS OF THE FOREST BY MIKE OLDFIELD

Turning negative into positive

I have serious problems with dealing with my life.
There were so many problems and I have SO much difficulties just to go on, that I decided to start learning, besides my cross stitch hobby, I am desperatly seeking for positive things to fill my head with... To lessen the negative and gain more positivity in my life.

So I am learning things... Just to see if I can get the positive me back again.
Because of my concentrationproblems I decided not just to read things, but to write down what I read.
Right now I have started to read / overwrite the Bible.
Not to much.... Just 10 texts a day... Maybe it can give me some peace... And some knowledge..... There are also other things I am learning, but I will talk about that next time.

I have no idea how long it will take me to get it finished.... Might be quite some time haha.

But I remembered one specific text when I was studying some pictures I made when I was at the seashore with my mother:

It was the text from Genesis 28 : 12.
It is a text about Jacob..

"He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it".

I found it!!! I found the stairway..... It's here, see???

Okay, you need to use a little bit of imagination....
Just bend your head a little bit to the left....
But I found it a nice coincedence.
Thank you for reading my blog and untill next time.

Poem for Mike Oldfield

Music is for me the most important thing in life. Everyday, when I get up BEFORE I eat breakfast I first put on my stereo. 
Sometimes I listen to the radio, but most of the time I have my 110 CD changer working.
I would rather skip a meal then missing one minut of music.

In the past I had some Mike Oldfield music.. This is SUCH  a great musician, I could really recommend listening to his work.
But something happened. I had Etude of the Killing Fields in Extended version and it crashed... A can of paint fell over it and I lost it.... 
As far as my empty head remembers it was a version of somewhere around 20 or 23 minutes...This is so certain in my mind.... And I was that angry that I ruined it that I threw all Mikes music out of the door... Not that one, than nothing at all....
Very stupid reaction, I know... But I didn't listen to his music for years.

But now I am renewing my love for his music.

Here is one very cheerfull piece of his last CD Man on the Rocks. A brilliant CD I must say.
Moonshine

At the moment I have 5 CD's of Mike and hope to have more in the future.

But now for his poem. It is my second poem and my first in English. I am not to technical with words and length of sentenses etc. I am not a professional poet. But I am very proud of this poem. By the way.. All the Words with " at the front and the back are titles of Mikes works and the poem is about my own life.

This poem is called: TITLES.

I wake up, get out of bed and yawn.

Eat my breakfast, get some coffee,  sit down and listen to "Ommadawn".

An atmosphere SO nice..

I’ll just have to listen  it twice.

The music is very elegant and yet so bold.

Without words, a story is being told.

Your music relaxes and for a while it makes me free.

I can really find distraction in "Discovery".

When I hear "To France",

It makes me want to dance.

My Life passes me by, in my mind it flows.

It’s just as dark as "Poison Arrows"

I close my eyes and  feel I am sinking in “the Lake”,

And then it’s the next CD I take.

It’s "Crystal clear", that "Songs of Distant Earth"

Is so, SO  very worth..

If I’ll find any luck in the future… "Only time will tell"

But your music works for me very well.

"A new beginning" is what I need.

And while doing that, it’s with your music I feed..

Listening to "Incantations".

Yes, this also has its own vibrations.

I find it very uplifting,

And it feels to me like I’m drifting.

My life is "On The Rocks", "I Gave Myself Away",

It’s a struggle, every single day

I was just considered to be a "Castaway"…

While I’m “Sailing” in the "Moonshine",

Have myself a nice glass of wine

While thinking of things I need to do

Your music pulls me through

At night I lay down under my sheet.

And I think: “Yes… My Mike Oldfield day is yet again complete”.

So thank you very much for your pieces of art

In my life it plays a very  big part.

I sincerely hope for more

And may many CD’s go through my door

NOTE: If there is someone out there who knows something about Etude the Extended Version, please contact me.